Firefighter

I’ve fought 2 fires in my life. Scratch that, I’ve fought 2 unplanned fires in my life. One was an accident the other a freak electrical malfunction. The extent of my training is learning P.A.S.S. - Pull Pin, Aim, Squeeze and Sweep from Side to Side - in my junior high science classes (something that in hindsight should have been a warning for what was to come in those classes).

Fire #1

It is cold where I live. Not just cold like when you have to throw a light jacket on after the sun goes down, or an extra set of socks when you go outside to play, but cold like your snot freezes in your nostrils when you walk outside and your hair freezes on your head if it is wet when you leave the house. People plug their cars in with little electric blankets at night. So, when it gets cold. We light fires. The kicker is that we have to light so many fires that the ash builds up in your fire place. And then you can’t just let it sit and completely cool because you’ll freeze. And if you have ever had frozen snot you would know that it really isn’t that comfortable. No, it is downright uncomfortable. So when the ash builds up, you throw it out. And here, we throw it on the bank leading down to the lake...not in the lake. Don’t worry we love Mother Earth as much as the next outdoors enthusiast.

The problem comes when there are dead leaves on the ground that catch on fire...So, one fine day our bank lit on fire. Our fire department consisted of me, with all my training from that science class and some guy from England, who I am sorry to say started the blaze, and spent the majority of the time apologizing and saying “Oh shit” in a polished british accent. Our first class equipment packs contained rakes and a couple of fire extinguishers. It seemed like every time we thought we got it out, another little flame would emerge from somewhere beneath the leaves where it had been lying in wait for one of us to turn our backs. We figured out that if you swing the rake violently towards the flames and then vigorously grind the small breaths of satan in to the ground. Have you ever stared fire in the eyes? I have. It is terrifying, yet enthralling. It’s like that sexy, dangerous guy in the leather jacket standing against the juke box, smoking a cigarette with one hand and casually clutching a beer bottle between the index and middle finger of the other, while some 80’s hair band song creates soft vibrations in the cloud of smoke. Where do those guys hang out? You never see them anymore...

We fought that fire with everything we had. Our brows dripped with sweat. Our hands were covered in soot. We circled slowly until the sun went down. And finally we stood, leaning on our rakes, as the final flame extinguished. We had fought that fire and won!

The next morning we walked down to check out our work. Small flames licked at a nearby tree....

Grade: D+